Thought Changing: A Guide

Thought Changing! A guide to help overcome negative thinking and master your own thoughts to improve your overall mood and behavior.  

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Thought changing is easy, right? Not always. It takes practice but you can learn how to do it and get better at changing your negative thoughts.  You can take back control of your emotions and behavior.  You can become a better you! 

We all have bad days, encounter negative experiences and even encounter people that impact our mood and how we’re feeling.  We can’t change our environment, but we can learn to control the thoughts in our head and therefore our mood and behavior.   

I use this strategy myself daily so I hope you find the following guide helpful in learning about your thoughts, how they impact your mood and behavior.  Mostly, I hope you find a sense of confidence in knowing you do have control over what you think and how to change your thoughts to support a happy and healthy mindset.  

Use this worksheet to practice differentiating between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors!

https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Knowing-the-difference-Identifying-thoughts-feelings-and-behaviors-4437553

first, understanding the cognitive triangle 

My favorite triangle. Draw a triangle on a piece of paper, go ahead, I’ll wait. . . . . The three points of the triangle represent thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Write each of these words on it’s own point with “thoughts” being at the top. These areas all impact one another, for better and for worse.  Many times, our brain has a tendency to get stuck in a negative cycle of thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Each day drags on and can feel like the same sad, anxious, depressed day one after another.  You want to change it, you have the desire, but you don’t have the skill to move forward.   The good news is you can make that change. And this is how.  

Which of the areas on the triangle do you think is the easiest to control? You got it, your thoughts! Many people believe we can easily control our emotions.  We can, but stop and think about it for a moment. You notice you’re in a fowl mood.... irritated and annoyed. You might try to change your emotions to something more positive like calm or content or even happy! But how? You may watch a funny show or take some deep breaths. Both of those are behaviors, by the way. But let’s say you’re at work and your unable to engage in these behaviors or you find they just don’t cut it.  Plus, if your that irritated is it really that easy to perform those activities? Not really. You may think to yourself “deep breathing never works” or “Netflix never has anything good to watch anyway.” And guess what! Those are your thoughts. They’re negative thoughts, at that. 

Let’s begin! Think of a bad day you had. Identify and write down 2-4 negative thoughts you had that kept your bad day going or made it worse. Write them next to “thoughts” on your triangle. Go ahead, do it. I’m not going anywhere.  Recognizing your negative thoughts is vital to the exercise of thought changing. Do you have them written down yet? Good.  Now, what negative emotions did those thoughts lead to? Write those down too, next to the word “emotions”.  Annoyed, angry, anxious, confused, sad . . . any of those make the list?  These emotions can make for a day that drags on and on with no good in sight.  If we don’t make a change, those emotions can snowball and become more intense.  Next, think of the behaviors that followed.  What did you DO that day? Did you sleep all day? Were you aggressive with others, such as yelling or saying hurtful things?  Did you throw or hit objects? Did you cry? Write those down too, next to the word “behaviors” on your triangle. You now have your negative triangle.  Do you see how each area impacts the other and how each can continue to get more intense when that negative thought continues? You may have thought “This day sucks!” which leads to feeling irritated and mad.  Because you’re irritated and mad you say some hurtful things to someone you love, which in turn makes you feel guilty and more mad, then think “This day just keeps getting worse!” which then leads to more intense emotions of anger. Get the picture? That’s getting stuck in a negative thought cycle.  It can happen to anyone and at any time.  It happened to me an hour ago! It’s normal.  It is normal to have negative thoughts.  In fact, your brain is wired to focus on the negative.  That’s how it keeps us safe. For example, if you see a car coming at you your brain will notice it and will tell you to move out of the way and your body follows the command, therefore preventing yourself from getting hit.  If someone threatens you your brain notices that and tells you to respond in a way that keeps you safe.  It’s a normal part of brain functioning.  But our brain can get stuck in that negative cycle and cause us to feel overly anxious or depressed and if we stay in that cycle it could possibly lead to more serious social and emotional problems.  

Note: thoughts are usually sentence form and something we think in our head. Ex: “no one listens to what I have to say anyway so why talk to anyone?” Or a common one of mine is “This all just sucks.” 

stopping negative thoughts 

Have you ever just gotten stuck in a negative thought? You keep hearing it over and over again and your mood and emotions seem to deteriorate. Stopping that thought before it spirals is a first step. My favorite and easiest way to do this is to simply say “[insert your name] STOP!” Say it out loud and say it loudly, like you really mean it! Say it again, “STOP!” Look in the mirror and say it, “STOP!” Say it as many times a day as you need. 

You may add some other statements to this to stop that negative thought from reoccurring.  You may try “That’s not true!” or “This is not helpful!”. 

proving those thoughts wrong 

Now that you’ve gotten that stern “stop” saying down let’s examine your thought.  Look at the thoughts you wrote down on your triangle.  Are there any “red flag” words? Red flag words are words that make your statement inaccurate or untrue.  Here is a list of what I like to refer to as “red flag” words. Review the list and think of a time you may have used these words when experiencing intense emotions.  Then think, was it actually true? Ninety-nine percent of the time they will make your statement false! 

Everyone 

No one 

Every time 

All the time 

Always 

Never 

You get the idea. Do you have any of these words in your negative thought? If so, eliminate it now! Cross a line through them.  If I get stuck thinking “Every day is awful”, is every single day of my life actually “awful”? No! Now, try to think of days that have been good! Write down what happened in those days that have been good! Vualá!! You’ve successfully proven that thought wrong! That was good practice! Now, it’s not always that easy.  Sometimes you have to investigate further.  

practice, practice, practice 

Take a minute and think of another negative you’ve experienced. You can write it down to examine it. Eliminate and cross out any of those red flag words. Next find the opposite of your negative thought. “My husband never listens to me”. Cross out “never” and think of a time he listened to you. Great job! Practice again! And again, and again...... 

creating positive thoughts 

You’ve done a great job at identifying, stopping and proving negative thoughts wrong! Keep practicing! Finally, let’s replace those negative thoughts with something more accurate and positive. Time to investigate and identify times where the opposite (of your negative thought) has actually happened. Let’s take the examples from earlier. “No one listens to what I have to say anyway so why talk to anyone?” First off tell yourself to “stop”, cross out the red flag words (no one), and find the opposite. Who is someone that has listened lately? Then make into a thought. “My mom listened to a problem I had the other day and gave me 2 suggestions on how to solve it.” Easy peasy! Add something extra to it! “She is usually there to help me”. Done! We just created positive self-talk statement or thought! Try this one on your own. . . “This all just sucks.” Remember, say “stop”, cross out the red flag words, prove it wrong, then find the opposite and make it into a thought! Great job!! Now practice with your own negative thought. Write it down! Cross out the red flag words, investigate and prove it wrong, and create a new positive thought! You did it! 

back to the triangle 

Let’s not leave out our positive emotions and behaviors.  Use that positive thought you created and think of what emotions it leads to.  Write those down.  Hopefully, it’s happy, calm, relieved, content, etc.  Now, think of how you behaved.  Were you smiling? Was your body calm? Did you sing, dance, have a nice conversation with someone?  Maybe you took care of yourself.  Did you take a bath, read a book, go on a walk?  Think of all those positive behaviors that lead to more positive thoughts and emotions. . . then more positive behaviors.  Look at that positive thought process you got stuck in!! Yay!!! 

This is just one skill you can learn to help yourself change your mood and is not a replacement for therapy.  If you feel you are experiencing significant emotions or problems related to a mental health disorder consider therapy, online or in person.  

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